“Life has a tendency to provide a person with what they need in order to grow. Our beliefs, what we value in life, provide the roadmap for the type of life that we experience. A period of personal unhappiness reveals that our values are misplaced and we are on the wrong path. Unless a person changes their values and ideas, they will continue to experience discontentment.” ~ Kilroy J. Oldster
In a recent Skype discussion with a dear friend of mine, we were debating on why its so difficult sometimes to just let go of a situation. In one’s life, there are various sets of circumstances that an individual goes through. For my 22 year old soul seeking individual, part of the journey post-college has me faced with a real dilemma of, well, what comes next?
During this phase of maturing and as you constantly grow into your life, for the most of us, it takes time to decipher the priorities in life. In between all this, things go wrong – it’s a part of life. Yet how often does the phrase ‘Why does this only happen to me?’ come up? Its a feeling of being alone, isn’t it? Well, in a completely empathetic manner, it doesn’t only happen to you. This should be consoling though! Think of it like this, there are other people who are also struggling, so you’re not alone in this endeavour to survive Life. Look back on the time you were 18 or 16 and something went completely haywire; the world felt like it was going to end, didn’t it? But that didn’t happen. Moreover, keep in mind this (as often as it is said)… You will get through whatever the situation.
Its true. Life is too short to be focusing on one negative aspect of your life. Yet considering relationships in particular, losing someone that you perceive to be important in your life at a certain stage, is at that time, quite a painful experience. Once again I emphasise on the idea of all kinds of relationships; romantic relationships, friendships, and even familial ties. A break-up of these various forms of relationships is difficult. Sometimes you just drift apart; other times its messy and chaotic.
You want to hear a despairing thought? Individuals take time and effort in order to try and fix that situation. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing – but not all relationships can be repaired, and as disheartening as it is, acceptance towards that has to be given time. Just. Time.
I can understand the feeling though of – What if you’ve put in all this effort to try and regain something to make it work? Sometimes it works; not all relationships are perishable, and it is a two-way street of effort. Other times, it goes even further downhill. However, when do you know when to stop? Forget that, how can you stop, when you’ve spent perhaps one, two, three or more years of your life putting in effort to maintain that relationship? Consider this though, its not even that it means so much as opposed to it used to mean so much. This is key; you can have memories of a wonderful relationship of sorts, but it could be unhealthy for you right now. In these situations the power of human emotion and memory is truly underrated.
Now don’t misunderstand me, I’ve discussed the aspect of being vulnerable in relationships and the importance of a social exchange of conversation and investment into the same. I genuinely do still feel strongly about that, just in the manner of a relationship that is valuable enough to put your time into. Unfortunately, not all relationships are like that… Sure, I’m not saying don’t try – just don’t lose too much blood cutting yourself on the pieces as you do so.
Broken glass © Amith Anderson
If you’re in this situation, I urge you to just consider this: By fixing whatever the relationship issue is, what are you trying to achieve for yourself?
Are you trying to assuage your guilt of hurting someone?
Are you hoping that you can stay friends with someone?
Is it the memories and a strong bond, that you now can’t bear to lose?
Or are you simply looking at repairing the relationship as to gain back what you lost?
Its complicated, isn’t it? The heart wants what it wants, but that may not be the healthiest for you. Whatever the situation is, just know that this complication in your mind is so normal. Don’t beat up yourself about having these conflict of emotions. The feeling of knowing that something may not be right but trying anyways. I believe it takes a lot of willpower and a certain shut-down of emotions in order to understand that some situations can’t be fixed.
So what next? After a certain point in time, I believe you reach a point when you realise your worth and dignity is more than the pain you go through. Either that, or you finally listen to your partner and family who have been telling that this friend is frankly not the best companion for you. I’ve seen friends of mine who believe that their parents are simply just quite strict – whereas in fact they are overbearing and have a tendency to be control-freaks. Yet because they grew up with it and are used to it don’t realise that this could be out of the ordinary. Therefore do listen; the people who are important to you will see what you may not see.
The upside of this? As I mentioned before, all situations do get better with time. Don’t beat yourself up about it if you can’t forget a loved one or miss a friend that treated you horribly. Give it time. Sometimes you just need to let things be and not strain yourself about it.
Note: My friend is an aspiring photographer – do check out his work, links below.
Facebook: Amith Anderson Photography